My Yoga Practice

Warning: sensitive readers may find some language in this post offensive.

Part 1

My practice Saturday morning was difficult. Actually, that’s sort of an understatement. My mind rebelled. I didn't...want...to do it.

Surya Namaskara A: Inhale arms up, all is going well. Exhale forward fold, inhale monkey pose, exhale plank. Pause. Muscles tighten, jaw clenches. Curse the practice. Remember to breathe. Exhale, lower down, inhale cobra. Despair. Exhale downward dog. Hold for five breaths; resist the urge to pound the floor and throw a tantrum. Inhale step the feet forward, monkey pose. Exhale fold. Inhale up to standing, use all available effort to keep from throwing something across the room. Samastitihi*. Gratitude for the practice.

Repeat three times.

Pause. Breathe.

Surya Namaskara B. The body is alternately limp like a rag doll and rigidly tense. Throw several mild tantrums along the way, but manage to muscle through.

Pause. Surrender. This is the practice. Forward fold. Child’s Pose. Supta Virasana. Then get up and make coffee. No rest.

Part 2

Driving to the auto shop…the driver behind me became irate. I probably could have made the left turn, but didn’t. I believe this upset her. When the light changed and I came to the next stop, Angry Lady pulled up beside me.

ME: What’s the problem?
AL: You’re a stupid bitch!
ME: Oh?
AL: Yeah, you stupid bitch!
ME: Hmm. (pause) You’re a beautiful person.
AL: Yes I am! You stupid bitch!

Hard to say if there’s any connection between my anger-infused yoga practice and the anger directed at me just a few hours later. But it did make me think: was my resistance to and frustration with my yoga practice any less ridiculous than Angry Lady’s outburst towards me? We were both acting out emotions that had little to do with the circumstance in which they arose.

Just as I had to laugh at Angry Lady because her anger was so unnecessary, I am reminded to laugh at my own outbursts and protests. If I can recognize obstacles in life as nothing more than a crummy driver in front of me, then maybe I can respond with patience, and laugh, knowing that the situation will soon change. Even when it doesn't cater to me, the universe is beautiful.

Samastitihi. Gratitude for the practice.

Update

Today, I went to a class. That was the right decision. At times like this, when practice is really hard, it’s better not to leave me to own devices. The energy of the room and the pose-by-pose instruction of the teacher got me through it. With very little resistance. A little joy. And a great Savasana.


*equal standing pose